Testing, testing...is this thing on?

So, yeah. It's been a very long time. But three kids plus one miscarriage plus one more baby will do that to you. A lot has happened and I am going to try and catch everyone up to speed. I had a miscarriage last year right before hurricane Sandy. But I will write a separate post on that later. I wanted to focus on the birth of my beautiful baby boy, Ronan Richard Chute. So, here goes. It started with my hair appointment on Friday. I always, always seem to go into labor right after I get my hair done. I was going on 38 weeks and I knew that I was close. I mean, I have had all of my kids right around 38 weeks, remember? So on Monday morning, November 4th, I wasn't too surprised when I thought I was going into labor when I had the runs. As many of you know from fb, I wasn't sure if my stomach was just acting up or if it was a sign that it was time. And so I went about my day. I took Maeve and Cara to school and I went home and played with Cavan. I was definitely having contractions. I called Kenyon and let him know they were pretty close together but that I wasn't in any pain yet. I told him to clear his schedule. I picked up Maeve from school at 11:35 a.m. I knew something wasn't quite right because getting out of the car made me bend over- not hurt exactly but just made me take a deep breath in. We drove home and went about our day. I was making the kids lunch when all of a sudden- I had to go to the bathroom (again, now for the fourth time). When I stood up, I stopped dead in my tracks when a contraction took my breath away. I thought, hm.... might be time to call the doctor. They told me to go straight to the hospital and that Dr. Gross would meet me there. I said, sure, see you in about an hour. An hour? They seemed pretty annoyed to be honest. But I have three kids under five that needed someone to look after them. I called Kenyon and told him to come home. He did and I left. I went by myself because a little part of me thought that this couldn't be the time. I was the earliest that I have ever been with my kids. I wasn't really sure I was ready and I had a lot of anxiety. I didn't even bring my bag in! They checked me into the hospital and told me that I was already 70% effaced and 3 cm dilated. You're having a baby today they told me and I felt a moment of panic. I am alone! Wait! I told them to wait to break my water because Kenyon wasn't there. They agreed to wait. Dr. Gross broke my water around 2:00ish when Kenyon arrived. I got my epidural shortly after that thinking that I might go quickly like I did with Cara and I certainly didn't want to be without one. Around 3:30 or so, I started to feel funny. Light headed, and I could feel my heart racing- like it was going to pop out of my chest. The alarms went off in the room. You know, that scary beeping sound where you know something is wrong. The nurse came in and gave me some oxygen. I felt better but every two minutes or so, my heart would start racing again. And I would feel light headed. They called the anesthesiologist. He determined it was not the epidural in wrong. This was something with my heart. So they called the cardiologist. The nurses came in and took an EKG of my heart. Sent it to the cardiologist and he determined that there was nothing wrong. Everything looked normal and that it could just be anxiety. After about two hours of my heart racing every two minutes, I fell asleep. They had shut the epidural off but turned it on again after two hours. We were now approaching 6 PM and I was about 7 cm dilated. The next three centimeters went rather quickly. At 7 I told the nurse that I thought I was close. She determined I was 9 cm. Doc came in and told me he would probably see me at 7:15. At 7:07 I called the nurse again and told her the baby needed to come out. She looked and told me to hold on to which I replied (in a not so nice manner, no). I wanted to start pushing. Doctor finally came in at 7:14. I pushed as hard as I could. There was a knock at the door and (you will not believe this) the registration man came in to say I had not registered properly. Uh.... get out! Everyone yelled at this man to leave, me included. At 7:30 I was screaming (the epidural didn't really work since it was shut off and I felt everything) and I wanted that baby out of me. The baby came out and tore me. They lifted the baby up and yelled, its a boy! I'll be honest, I wasn't jumping for joy yet. I was hurting and I felt like my insides had just been ripped out. They put him on my chest and I vaguely remember patting him and thinking, God I am in so much pain. They took him after about 15 minutes to clean him up. We decided on Ronan (over Finnean and Rowan). It just fit. We held off on putting it on fb or even calling anyone because I was tired. This was by far my hardest, most scary delivery yet and I needed a moment. A moment to look at him and soak it all in. He was my biggest baby (7 lbs, 5 oz and my longest baby 21 inches long). And I knew it. Kenyon and I spent the night alone with him, taking it all in that we now have a fourth baby. I spent two very short days in the hospital. I was in a lot of pain but seemed to be doing better each day. Ronan wasn't the best nursling at first but he grew into a great one. And we left the hospital loving our sweet little family, not realizing the whirl wind we were about to go through.....

It's Been a While....

Sitting down right now for half of a second. Thought I would update everyone on how the Petura Family is doing. Maeve and Cara have started school and they are both doing very well. Watching Maeve in her classroom gives me such joy. I know that she is a teacher pleaser type. She always listens and she follows directions well. Now if only she could do that at home too! She is making new friends but for right now enjoys hanging out with her teacher, Mrs. Garrity. Cara went to school and didn't look back! I never thought she would be THIS good at going. A little tear or two would have made me feel a little bit better. But not my Cara. She went and keeps asking me when she is going to go to "cool." There was a bit of an issue when Mrs. Law had to change her diaper in school but hey- wouldn't you be bothered if someone you didn't really know wanted to get into your pants? :) Cavan is already 4 and a half months old. I am not sure where the time has gone. He is so smiley all of the time! I got lucky with this one being such a happy baby. He loves to watch his sisters and is getting to the point of being a bit fussy if he isn't in the room with them. I must say though, he is sleeping like crap. I am lucky if I get a two hour stretch every night. I figured come 6 months I will cry it out with him and everyone will be a lot happier!

Life for me is hard. I feel as though sometimes I never have a moment to myself. I am up with the kids by 6:30 a.m. and have Cavan up until about 8/8:30. By 9 I want to pass out myself! I am struggling with the lack of "me" time. As a mom it is very easy to get lost in your kids and every day life. I have found myself resenting Kenyon or other people who can just get up and go to the bathroom without anyone coming in or screaming my name. Not to mention Cavan is attached to my boob every two hours if not more. I know that this is just where my life is right at the moment but it can seem awfully overwhelming sometimes. I must say, I am looking forward to school days where I might just get a moment to breathe- or clean up- or even shower!! Yes, I did choose my life. And I love my life. I wouldn't change it for anything. But right now, it is overwhelming. I am taking solace in the little moments like nap time or TV time (dare I say that?). Luckily, I have a great support system and it means the world to me. So I know that even though I am feeling like this now, in a matter of days, weeks or months it will get easier. It better. LOL. So, enough of all of this.... here are some pictures of the kids who fill my heart.

Life with Three

Life with three is interesting to say the least. A lot of things have been happening since we have taken Baby Cavan home. Lets start with Maeve. Maeve has regressed a lot. She has become very weepy and whiney and has resorted to crying again when we drop her off at school. She asks me to carry her or rock her when she is feeling sad. She uses baby talk now when trying to tell us something. It is exasperating! I try to ignore a lot of it because I know that she is craving attention. When she is not behaving this way, I will give her extra hugs and kisses to let her know that I still love her. The tantrums are killing me but I know that she is just trying to make sense of all of the changes. With Cavan, Maeve is wonderful!! She is my little helper. She loves on him and cares for him... the maternal instinct in her really came out in the past few weeks and it warms my heart! She really protects him from Cara (which is not always a good thing). I couldn't have asked her to love him anymore!
Now onto Cara. Man has she it the terrible twos in all of its glory! We have tantrums that consist of screaming, throwing herself onto the floor or just covering her face with her hands like something horrible has happened. It is kind of humorous to watch but Kenyon and I have to remind ourselves that she is not a baby anymore. To time out she goes. And she hates it! But let me tell you- it is working and the mention of it keeps her somewhat quiet. She is really really good with Cavan. She understands that he is smaller and is okay with me breastfeeding and loving on him. I thought she would be very jealous. But she isn't. I constantly hear, "oh no, where's baby?" Or.. "hi Cabin." She is worried about him a lot and has accepted him as part of our family.
Cavan has been challenging the past week or so. His gas is getting the bettr of him and we have been up from 2-5 on most nights. It is exhausting. But I wouldn't trade it for the world! He is pretty chill and is okay with the girls screaming around him. He is my little love.... Seeing Kenyon with him now is pretty cool. Many times they hang out on the couch watching sports and Kenyon tells him all about it. It was a rocky start with Kenyon and Cavan. I think Kenyon got used to taking care of the girls while I was in the hospital that it took a while to bond with Cavan. But now they are buddies!
Now as a whole. It is insane. I am not going to lie. Sometimes I wonder how I am getting through it. In the moment it doesn't seem to bad but then when I look at each minute- I am like, this is nuts. For example. I took all three kids outside to play. Cavn did not want to be in the bucket so I was holding him. Cara took off on me down the street so I threw Cavan in the stroller and ran after him. Maeve, who was trying to help ran after her and fell splat on her face. So I had one screaming in the stroller, one screaming face down and bloody on the ground and one still running away on me. Looking back on it, I can laugh but at the time I was going to cry. Life is all about moments and for the most part, my moments are filled with love, laughter and happiness. Now, there are moments that I would like to forget about- but all in all, we are managing and life is pretty damn good right now!

Cavan's Birth Story

This might be long and I will try not to be too graphic but I tend to be sometimes. :) Here is how Cavan came into the world.

April 25th (Monday) during the day I just didn't feel right. I was running to the bathroom. I realized that this could be the start of something but honestly, I thought that the week before so I wasn't ready to admit anything. By 5:00 I was still feeling sick. Kenyon came home and I told him that I was predicting going into labor within the next 24 hours... he was skeptical to say the least. He decided he was going to go outside and mow the lawn (something that infuriated me at the time) and I was to feed the kids. I was having regular contractions at this point but nothing too strong. They ranged anywhere from 4-8 minutes. So at about 6:00, they were getting stronger. After talking to my mom, I called the doc and he told me to come in after about an hour. Called my mom back and they came over...

We arrived at the hospital at about 7:30 and they admitted me in the room. I was worried thinking if this was false, I would feel so so stupid. I mean, I already did it once. They kept saying, oh no, this is your third child, you are probably right. Yeah, no pressure. So the nurse checked me and I was only about 1.5/2 cm dilated. 50 percent effaced. Really? Disappointed was hardly the word. I was sure they would send me home. But the monitor kept showing that I was in fact having contractions regularly. The doctor came in three and a half hours later (after we were told he would be there in an hour). He checked me and I only went up half a centimeter but was almost 70 percent effaced. He offered to give me sleeping pills for the night and break my water in the morning (as long as there was progression). I agreed. And to sleep I went.....

The next morning Dr. Petraske came in and told me that I hardly dilated any more than I already had and I was not contracting anymore. She offered to break my water or send me home. Um, yeah. Break my water. And so she did. There was no turning back now! She told me to walk around, get things moving. Kenyon, Colleen and I walked for about an hour (one can only do so many loops around the halls without going crazy!). About two hours later, they checked me again and I had only dilated one more cm. So so frustrating. I hung out for a bit and was starving!!! Around lunch time, I walked again and they checked me again. I was heartbroken to know that I had not dilated at all anymore but I was thinning a LOT! Okay, some good news. So, walking again we went. This was about two o'clock. Colleen took the stroll with me. Kenyon and Scott stayed in the room. First time around I had one strong contraction. Woo! That was a tough one. Next time around it stopped me dead in my tracks. I told Colleen, okay, that hurt. I didn't make it around the hallway the next time when I was in tears. Colleen almost died and I looked at the nurse and said one word. Epidural. About ten minutes later I had the lovely anestioligist in the room putting that wonderful medicine right into my back! Ten minutes later, I felt nothing. I slept a little, looked at the clock a little and was kind of, yes, I'll say it. Bored. Then at about 4:30 I told Kenyon I felt like peeing/pooping. I knew this feeling from Maeve. I knew I was fully dilated and ready. I called the nurse who told me that the doc was in delivering another lady. Really? Because I haven't waited all day? Um. this was getting strong. It felt like she finally came in.... She opened my legs and said yep, baby is here! Within like literally 30 seconds, I had 5 nurses and the whole sha bang in the room with me. I look at Kenyon and then Colleen and all I want to do is start pushing! I don't think it took very long. Maybe a couple of pushes? I was holding onto my legs but then they pulled up the handles and that helped a lot! I pushed even when I didn't have a contraction and the feeling was relief! I wanted to know what this baby was for so long and now we were so close!! The Dr. made jokes trying to take bets on what it was.... one last push....

The moment that the baby came out of me I will never ever forget. She held him up- with all his gook on him and yelled, IT'S A BOY! I can never truly explain the love and excitement and wonder that I felt. I had a boy. Our boy! We never thought we would have a boy!! I cried, Kenyon cried, Colleen cried and then I held him. Lacey (bestest nurse and FRIEND ever!!) put him on my chest and cleaned him off as I just looked at him. I loved him. Cavan William was already my baby boy.... and he was so little!!! After a little while they took him and weighed him. He was 7 lbs, 1 ounce and 20.5 inches long. My beautiful boy. Pictures were taken, I was sewn up (i tore because he came out the wrong way- he was sunny side up). But it didn't matter, he was there- and with a PENIS! LOL. I was so excited to tell everyone and most of all, show my girls their little brother. :)

38 weeks, 2 Days

This number means a lot to me. This is when my water broke with Maeve. I gave birth to her early the next morning. With Cara, I started having contractions at 8:00 in the morning- the morning of 38 weeks, 2 days. I gave birth to her in the evening. So today I am 38 weeks, 1 day. You can imagine my anticipation and excitement for tomorrow. Not that I think there is going to be some magical moment tomorrow that will set me into labor just like the girls. I know that every pregnancy is different, etc. But I am excited for tomorrow nonetheless. If it doesn't happen tomorrow, I am still holding onto the belief that I am going to give birth on Easter Sunday (since that has been my prediction all along). Now, if for some reason I don't give birth tomorrow or on Easter, then I am fully prepared to have a mental breakdown, lol. I won't know what to do with myself! It will be the longest I have ever been pregnant with all of my children. And it will make me realize even more that the child inside of me is the one who will be teaching me patience. So, as tomorrow rolls around, think about me- I will be home scrutinizing every little pang and twinge. And if I don't remember to let you all know, Have a wonderful Easter with your family!

Growing Up

It is kind of crazy to look at Cara and think that she is going to be two this summer. What happened to the time? I seriously feel like she was just born. Kenyon says that there are many times I "baby" her. Um, she is my baby. The girls are so different that it makes me laugh sometimes. Maeve is very independent in terms of affection. She isn't really a cuddler. She is a perfectionist and has to make sure everything is exactly right. She can't lie at all!! The girl would rather come clean than have it weighing on her mind. She never likes to upset anyone. She will apologize almost immediately after she has done something wrong. She loves to draw and color. Crafts are a must with this little girl! In terms of playing outside, she could take it or leave it... doesn't matter either way. She loves to read. Now Cara on the other hand is very very different. She loves to cuddle! She is a die hard romantic. When watching Disney movies she just adores the part where the prince and princess are dancing and loves to see them kiss. She sings and dances constantly! There are times when she asks to go into the other room just to listen to her music. Then we will hear her belting out the "words." She is definitely an athlete. If she goes outside, we can almost guarantee that she will be next door at their basketball hoop. Inside, she is constantly throwing balls up and down the hallway. She loves to be devious. We call her our little menace. She loves to steal things of Maeves and then run away laughing. She loves to explore (think putting things down the toilet!). The difference in the two girls makes me chuckle. But then it makes me wonder about this new baby. Will my girls change much because their birth order will change? Will Cara become the classic middle child? Will the baby be more like Maeve or Cara? Or maybe a combination of both? It is exciting to say the least! And IF this baby is a boy.... will he forever be in princess clothes having tea parties? Either way, we are ready. I want this baby out! I am 37 weeks this week and I am thinking it is about time. Maeve is so ready for her brother (yes, the girl SWEARS it is a boy). And we finally have Cara pointing at my belly saying baby. I hate the when is it going to happen feeling. I hate the where will we be? Will the girls be okay anxiety that comes with it. But, I guess God has His plans and there is no stopping it whenever Goy comes! Some come on Goy, we are ALL waiting for you!

I am Tired

It is to that point I think. I am starting to get tired. I realize that if I move around too much I get sore spots. Or if I am on my feet too long, I am swollen. I get winded very easily and the girls are getting harder to keep up with. That being said, I am 35 weeks this week. I am banking on (hoping for, really) the baby being here in about 3 weeks or so. 3 more weeks of only two! Three more weeks of no one stuck on my boobs, or crying for a reason I do not know. Three more weeks of just two beautiful little girls. I am trying to cherish every moment of it. I still go outside with the girls and go to play places. I am still trying to book small trips with Kenyon to the aquarium etc. I figure might as well do it while we can, right? I am excited. I long to know what this baby is- a boy or a girl. I have given up trying to figure it out. I have no idea. My instincts are always wrong anyway, lol. We do have some names picked out for both genders but aren't going in with a definite- not until we see his/her precious face! So, keep watching because in just a matter of weeks, there will be another little Petura making its way into this world!

I think this girl is such a wackadoodle! But I love her!